Navigating through the minefield of my mynd, following a slippery slide down a glacier, with tumbles into a few crevasses, and down off the face.
Hello and welcome to my world.
Born and bread in Melbourne (Australia), and would need serious convincing to live in any other city.
I was self employed an Audio Engineer in the music industry for just over 20 yrs. I think the only reason I did the same job is because I loved it. Every band/artist I work with is completely different and wants a different picture painted in their music, so I am always challenged. 20 years is a long time in one job, but the perks are pretty cool. From the “idol pop” to the “blues” (the real RnB), the “verging on metal” to the “acoustic folk”, I hoped that I can keep them all happy, which gets me back to myself.
The slippery slop into Major Depressive Disorder aint fun but I kept the covers pulled up and wandered on until I broke. A savage dose of insomnia has plagued me for many years and lack of appetite has crept in more recently. They, the Psychs, have suggested degrees of Avoidant PD, Borderline PD. Earlier this year (2012) Schizoid PD was slipped into unexpected discharge papers from the Mental Health Clinic I’ve been attending for 2.5 years. But they are just labels to categorize.
My goal is to get through each day. Meds (antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, sedatives) all do nothing. And 3 hospitalizations, 7 weeks total, only get me through the acute crises. Like everyone I’ve met in my travels, the Psychiatrists and Psychologists never seem to understand where my mynd fits.
Being on the outside ain’t fun.
All I know is I don’t fit in.
That is all I’ve ever known.